In a previous blog I have alluded to experiencing burnout this past year. It was a very challenging 12 months, and honestly, I didn’t recognize what was happening to me; burnout was certainly not something I ever expected to experience.

In a society that often glorifies the hustle and bustle of our daily lives, the concept of burnout has become increasingly prevalent, though perhaps not yet well understood.

As the pandemic recedes and people adjust back to life full of work, family, appointments, and all of the things we pack our days with, emotions are all over the place. Common questions we ask ourselves are: How do we embrace life fully post pandemic? Do I want to go back to what I was doing before? What have I learned during the crisis? Can I just pretend like nothing happened those two years?

I, like so many people, came out of the pandemic knowing I had changes I wanted to make. The biggest was to begin a personalized, private health coaching business, aimed at helping women like me navigate their own health & wellness journey. I realized how unhappy I was in Corporate America, and I wanted to work directly with people again. I was so motivated and focused on achieving this goal, until I wasn’t.

Towards the end of 2022, I knew that I wasn’t acting like my normal self. I couldn’t quite put a finger on what was wrong though. I was eating right and physically active, but couldn’t lose the 5 pounds I had gained during the pandemic. I didn’t feel as laid back as I normally do, and even putting on makeup seemed like a chore.  I knew my growing disengagement at work was bothering me, but that was just work – right? Like any elder millennial woman, I thought that I could deal with it, it’s what we grew up doing, having to deal with things on our own. Like the always shifting weather, I figured I would eventually find my groove again. When I didn’t, I knew it was time to investigate what might be going on at a deeper level.

Burnout vs. Languishing

In the later years of the pandemic, psychologist Adam Grant introduced the term "languishing" to describe a state of emotional stagnation. Could this be what I was feeling? After reading more about the languishing, I found it fascinating, but it didn’t resonate with me. I didn’t feel like I was stagnant – I felt dull, unmotivated, cranky, tired.

I went on to explore the idea of burnout.

Psychology Today describes burnout as: a state of emotional, mental, and often physical exhaustion brought on by prolonged or repeated stress. Though it’s most often caused by problems at work, it can also appear in other areas of life, such as parenting, caretaking, or romantic relationships.

Now that resonated with me.

My Experience with Burnout

Looking back over the past year, I can see now how my burnout manifested in a few different ways. The tricky thing about burnout is, it’s not always obvious in the way it shows up. It can slowly creep in, building little by little. You don’t just burnout overnight.

It’s only now that I’m through it, that I can look back and really understand what impact it had on my life. Women especially aren’t likely to admit when we are feeling burnt out, if we even recognize the symptoms. We have the mentality that we have to be able to do it all, and showing any signs of “weakness” would be detrimental. This shouldn’t be the case, but for many women it is their reality.

How Burnout Manifested for Me

Lack of Motivation to Prioritize Self-Care

I have learned that burnout is sneaky; it infiltrates every aspect of life. My motivation to engage in self-care activities like yoga, cooking, and managing my wellness plummeted. The very things that used to rejuvenate me now seemed like insurmountable chores.

Creativity Suffered

As a new integrative health coach trying to build a practice, my creativity and connection with others was my livelihood. Burnout had a tight grip on my creative faculties, and my coaching business, especially the yoga classes, languished as a result. I couldn’t make a decision on what direction I wanted to go in. The ideas that once flowed freely became a trickle, hindering my ability to engage with others effectively.

Numbing with TV

Evenings that were once reserved for personal growth and relaxation were now consumed by Netflix shows and dinner on the couch. I chalked it up to embracing the coziness of winter; but in reality it was my escape from the overwhelming sense of burnout that loomed over me.

Disengagement with Work

Picture this: the once-enthusiastic employee who now drudges through her daily tasks with a heavy heart.

I had been thinking about a career change for a while. I wanted to move from the corporate world of marketing to owning my own health and wellness practice. I had given myself a year to make that pivot, but as I began working with a career mentor, in early 2023, I became aware that I prefer to keep coaching as my side-passion. So why didn’t this realization give me a renewed feeling of commitment to my day job?

Burnout often manifests as disengagement at work, and I was no exception. The passion that once fueled my career had dwindled into a mere flicker.

Identifying the Root Cause

After some soul searching, some tears, and a lot of “what the hell is going on with me” questions, the turning point came when I realized that it wasn't some vague malaise but my job that was the source of my burnout. It even surprised me when I said it to my husband one night.

I wasn’t happy.

I hated my job.

Did I really say that out loud? Yes.

Constant changes in management had left me feeling adrift, with no sense of stability or direction. It was getting hard to get simple tasks done due to endless reviews and a lack of decision makers. While we had many high-level managers, the marketing department was severely lacking in leadership. I was tired of the inconsistencies and lack of camaraderie. My last manager kept referring to her employees as a “family”. I was so put off by that. I have a family. I love them dearly. But families can also be dysfunctional, and to be a best-in-class marketing organization dysfunction can’t happen. I wanted to be a part of a team, not another family.

Psychology Today goes on to explain that “the cynicism, and lethargy that are characteristic of burnout most often occur when a person is not in control of how a job is carried out, at work or at home, or is asked to complete tasks that conflict with their sense of self.”

As unique as I am, it turns out I was a textbook burnout case. What I am still fascinated by is that while my subconscious mind knew what was happening, my conscience mind was unaware of the true level of suffering. It took making a big leap of faith for me to understand the emotional state I was in.

Stay in touch for more - this is Part 1 of a three-part series.